How to Talk so Kids will Listen

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How to Talk so Kids will Listen PDF

PDF NameHow to Talk so Kids will Listen
Published/Updated On
No. of Pages31
PDF Size4.40 MB
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How to Talk so Kids will Listen PDF - Overview

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk is a book by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. This PDF is provided by The Bear Creek School.

Topic which are covered in How to talk so kids will listen are listed below

  • Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
  • Engaging a Child’s Cooperation
  • Encouraging Autonomy
  • Praise

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen

Helping Children Deal with their Feelings – Children need to have their feelings accepted and respected.
Instead of Half- Listening, Listen with Full Attention – It can be discouraging to try to get through to someone who gives only lip service to listening. It’s much easier to tell your troubles to a parent who is really listening. He doesn’t even have to say anything. Often a sympathetic silence is all a child needs.

Instead of Questions and Advice, Acknowledge with a word – “Oh…Mmm…I see” – It’s hard for a child to think clearly or constructively when someone is questioning, blaming or advising her. There’s a lot of help to be had from a simple “Oh..umm..” or “I see.” Words like these, coupled with a caring attitude, are invitations to a child to explore her own thoughts and feelings, and possibly come up with her own solutions.

Instead of Denying the Feeling, Give the Feeling a Name – Parents don’t usually give this kind of response, because they fear that by giving a name to the feeling, they’ll make it worse. Just the opposite is true. The child who hears the words for what he is experiencing is deeply comforted. Someone has acknowledged his inner experience.

Instead of Explanation and Logic, Give a Child his Wishes in Fantasy – When children want something they can’t have, adults usually respond with logical explanations of why they can’t have it. Often the harder we explain, the harder they protest. Sometimes just having someone understand how much you want something makes reality easier to bear.

Helping Children Deal with their Feelings

  • Listen quietly and attentively
  • Acknowledge their feelings with a word
  • Give the feeling a name
  • Give the child his wishes in fantasy

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen – Engaging Cooperation
What we do:

  • Blame
  • Name-call
  • Threaten
  • Lecture
  • Compare

Describe – It’s hard to do what needs to be done when people are telling you what’s wrong with you. It’s easier to concentrate on the problem when someone just describes it to you. When grownups describe the problem, it gives children a chance to tell themselves what to do.

Give Information – Information is a lot easier to take than accusation. When children are given information, they can usually figure out for themselves what needs to be done.

Say It With A Word – Children dislike hearing lectures, sermons, and long explanations. For them, the shorter the reminder, the better.

Talk About Your Feelings – Children are entitled to hear their parents’ honest feelings. By describing what we feel, we can be genuine without being hurtful.

Write A Note – Write A Note Sometimes nothing we say is as effective as the written word.

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen – Encouraging Autonomy – Toddlers and teenagers aren’t that different….

  • Let Children Make Choices
  • Show Respect for a Child’s Struggle
  • Don’t Ask Too Many Questions
  • Don’t Rush to Answer Questions
  • Encourage Children to Use Sources Outside the Home
  • Don’t Take Away Hope

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen – Praise and Self-Esteem

  • Describe what you see.
  • Describe what you feel.
  • Sum up the child’s praiseworthy behavior with a word.
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